My Shorts
by LittleFluffy
Summary: This is a collection of one-shots that I'm writing though they are not at all related. I have tons of horrible one shots in my doc manager from my crazy imagination. Some are REALLY weird and bad, but you can laugh at me. I just want to get these out there so you can all see whats going on in my head!
1. Oppisex

I woke up in the morning feeling strange.

I took one look in the mirror and screamed.

My voice was high-pitched like a girl - which I was!

No, no, no, this couldn't be happening. I was a girl!

"Kevin, come down here," said my mother.

I couldn't come down looking like this!

"Mom..I feel sick..maybe it's contagious I shouldn't go to school," I said.

"Let me come take your temperature," she said.

"NO!... I mean, don't trouble yourself, I can do it. I wouldn't want you to get sick," I quickly stammered.

"Okay!"

I sighed in relief.

I needed help, ASAP.

"Oh honey I forgot, you were so excited for tomorrow - april fools day. I wouldn't want you to miss out," mother reminded me.

shoot.

I needed to change back if I wanted to do my killer prank.

I climbed out the window - we had a trellis - and jumped onto my bike.

I rode to the only place that could help, Madam Zorox.

I don't know where she got a name like that, but every day on my way to school I passed her yard with the sign saying "magical help" on it.

This certainly was magical.

I knocked on her door.

The shriveled old lady, adorned with beads peaked her head out.

"Come in, come in, she said, I have been expecting you."

I rolled my eyes.

"I used to be a boy!"

She laughed gesturing to my long blonde hair.

"Seriously," I yelled.

She paid attention now.

"Your not pulling my leg, she asked suspiciously, as a pre-april fools joke?"

"No! Just please help me."

"Okay, she sighed, I'll help. Come with me."

She led me to a dim room with thick velvet curtains and a shimmering chandelier.

"Okay, give me your palm, she said."

She took a quick look.

"Ah.. so you are a boy, she croaked, Naughty, turning yourself into a girl."

"It wasn't my fault," I protested."

"Whatever, come with me."

We entered a bathroom.

"This is your ""magical help""," I snorted.

"Wait, you'll see."

The tiny room started filling with smoke.

What was happening!?

I started feeling pain in my stomach.

"OWWW!"

Suddenly the room cleared, I was in my bedroom.

"Whaaaa," was all I could manage.

I looked in the mirror.

I was myself again!

* * *

_Next Day_

"Hey Kevin," said my best friend Xzevfer, Why weren't you at school yesterday?"

"Oh I felt sick."

He ran up to me and gave me a friendly greeting with his tentacles.

"Did you do anything for April Fools," he asked mischievously.

I shrugged.

"I had something great but it didn't work out," I answered.

"What was it?"

"I was going to disguise myself into a human boy.

"Wow! that's good, he grinned, Why didn't It work out?"

"Oh on accident I turned myself in to a human girl," I said, embarrassed.

He laughed hysterically.

"I remember when we went to earth, humans are so weird," he said, still laughing.

I nodded in agreement.

We did our secret handshake - curling our tails together and bumping horrns.

Humans were so weird.


	2. Wizard of Randomness

The tin man was sitting, rusted, with huge mounds of bacon around him.

The scarecrow found dead in an alleyway, infested with rats.

The lion lifeless in an iron cage.

Dorothy half starving in her cellar.

What had happened you might say?

Well, let me see.

* * *

Let's start with Dorothy.

After her trip to Oz it wasn't like everything went back to normal.

She suffered a bit of trauma from that scary old witch - having hair-standing-up-on-the-back-of-your-neck nightmares.

She never was the same.

And with the potato famine..

Person: it's Kansas not Ireland

Me: Whatever, they're both in Italy

Person:*facepalm*

Okay, and with the drought Aunty Em and Uncle Henry could simply not afford psychological treatment.

Then, tragedy struck, a wildfire burned the entire Gale home, killing Dorothy's uncle and aunt.

Now a real psychopath, Dorothy was taken to Social Services and placed in a nice foster home.

But, being mentally unstable she ran away and made a daring cross-country journey back to the remains of the Gale farm.

She took shelter in the storm cellar - the only part of the house left, sealing herself off from the outside world.

Now your reaction to this story is probably something like, "Oh Dorothy was a sweet girl, I don't believe this, it couldn't possibly be real!"

Well it isn't!

I made this up so deal with it! She is under loads of trauma now so just be quiet! (did I mention Toto died at the pound because the foster home did not want dogs.)

Yes, sweet, adorable, cute, Toto is dead - again, DEAL WITH IT!

* * *

Now on with the tin man.

What could be more random than bacon?

There is a reason.

So, the tin man is leader of the winkies blah blah blah!

Well, as you know the tin man has to be constantly bathed in oil so he won't rust.

Oil is pretty expensive as a non-renewable resource and it is the same way in Oz.

After becoming bankrupt, he having help from the brainy scarecrow, devised a plan to use the grease from cooked meat to oil himself.

(mounds of bacon were a result)

This worked pretty well until pigs became an endangered species.

Pretty soon the animal population had dropped severely from all this meat-cooking.

Members of PETA came and the tin man was history.

Yah, just like that. Dead.

NEVER UNDER ESTIMATE THE POWER OF VEGETARIANS!

* * *

Now I will share the lion's story.

The people of Oz were becoming a more advanced race.

They had even invented a teleporter.

Well, they also invented a zoo.

And guess who was the main attraction?

It's really easy.

Maybe a hint: the lion.

As a result of the animal population dropping in order to 'save' animals, people put them in zoos.

Unlike on earth, zoos were a fad and as the fad died out the animals were left to rot.

Where was PETA?

I don't know, for all we know they could have been watching the Hunger Games movie!

Yeah, so the lion died - I don't think he was ever anyone's favorite character.

Person: he was mine!

Me: shut up.

Person: :(

* * *

At last the scarecrow, how did he go from king to dead in an alley?

The scarecrow had a problem.

Rats liked to nest in him.

The rat population went up and no exterminater could figure out why.

Well the scarecrow - being very honest - explained his problem (not the smartest thing to do!)

And the people of Oz threw him out.

Work was very hard to find so the scarecrow eventually found work as a get-away driver for some goblins.

Soon he was reluctantly their master strategist using his talent to surpass the highest quality of security.

In fact, the scarecrow found he actually had a passion in stealing and left to start his own gangster club.

He was known now as King Rat.

At the snap of his fingers, the rats living inside him would attack any unfortunate soul who happened to be there.

But he made one fatal mistake, one night, for one minuet did his other new-found passion, opera singing.

The coppers were on him faster than you could say frorgetta bout' it.

There was no funeral.

* * *

**These ideas all came from my crazy imagination! Hope this made you laugh and please review!**


	3. Pure

The forest was so beautiful in winter.

The sycamore's white wood against the pure snow.

I frowned at the spoiled snow at my feet.

Blood stained the ground.

I sighed and turned to the innocent looking boy behind me.

Ben was my brother and his wide-eyed shock at the dead around me bothered me.

I wiped the red liquid from my pale cheek and grabbed his arm. We were at home.

I needed to protect him - not just because he was my brother, but because of his special power. One _they _could use.

* * *

I marveled at his magic. He could teleport - one of the main reasons we escaped always.

His naïve nature made me wonder if he knew he started a war.

_China demanded the U.S.A not have such a destructive potential weapon._

My brother would not hurt anyone - but he could, which made him a threat.

_The president refused, recognizing he was a human with rights too._

_This set off a chain of events that started World War III._

* * *

I left him at the house - he had many protective spells.

I wandered through the wood, fascinated by the starlit trees.

I heard the crunch of footsteps and stopped Ink (my horse).

I drew my bow, though I prefered a sword I could not see the attacker yet and a bow was best for this situation.

Figures approached with bows. _Them._

Every year more families were taken prisoner, the old used as hostages for the young to fight for.

Good thing our parents were dead.

The figures came into sight and my heart stopped.

_Isabelle?!_

I squeezed my eyes shut, was it Isabelle?

* * *

Before we were taken to train Isabelle was my best friend in my class.

We loved each other.

_And now I have to kill her._

I did it quickly.

I jumped off Ink and ran to the small group.

My sword in hand I killed.

I killed every soul untill all was quiet and I was standing, sweaty, in a pool of blood.

Isabelle emerged from behind a tree, quietly as a cat.

She raised her knives with an evil grin on her face.

"hello old friend," she sneered eyes gleaming.

I knew I would win.

We slashed and hacked back and forth - each movement matched by the other like we had practiced beforehand.

She was good. Not good enough.

She cut my leg and I winced in pain.

While she was laughing I did it.

I cut her head clean off.

There was a sickening second where it didn't bleed but stream pus, then I got splashed with a wave of blood.

Her face was set in a permanent grin, almost like she was finally at peace, but she still had that evil gleam in her eyes.

Bloodthirsty fool.

Tears came. I let the tears flow to the ground.

I couldn't kill anymore! _Lord help me I'm only 15! I shouldn't have to deal with this emotional torture!_

I cut myself. A long thin line from my wrist to my elbow. I did nothing to stop the blood.

It spilled onto the ground mixing freely with the other girl's blood.

It spread staining the no longer pure snow. _Not pure; just like my brother._ God damn, nothing could stay pure in this war.

I felt weak and I lied down beside Isabelle; still smiling her malicious grin.

I cursed as I blacked out - I wanted to see the beautiful forest when I died.

* * *

I woke to a light. Am I dead?

My wound was gone, but I felt hungry - still alive.

Was it day? - No, the sky was black.

The light dimmed and I saw a white horse perfectly camouflaged in the snow.

_Ink?_

_I am Estelle, _I heard inside my brain.

_I am a unicorn._

Oh, that explained it.

I thouht unicorns only healed "young maidens who are pure of heart."

_Oh, you certainly are young, you're a girl unless I'm mistaken by your long flowing hair..._

I killed tons of people! How am I pure of heart?!

_Well, you killed yourself because you felt guilty and to save the purity of your brother which was very noble._

This _"pure"_ stuff is confusing.

_It should be._

The unicorn, Estelle helped me onto her back.

Why did you save me?

_Well, I need your help._

To do what? You're magic!

_Yah, I need someone who speaks English!_

You're talking to me!

_Only young girls can talk to unicorns._

I actually am a **teenager**, I'm not some five-year old.

_I am a thousand years old._

Wow.

_Back to what I need to do, I was sent to stop the war._

How.

_We need to explain how fighting and **killing **gets everybody nowhere. That they need to discus a peace-treaty._

How is a unicorn and a girl gonna do that!?

_I have magic._

Oh.

_You in?_

You saved my life! Do I have a choice?

**And the two rode into the sunrise.**


	4. Damen the rock

_Two girls walking. One wearing all black._

Fern: Why all black? You haven't turned completely goth now, have you?

Hayley: I am mourning a death!

Fern: Who died?

Hayley: My pet rock; he wouldn't speak to me.

Fern: That's to bad. I don't remember you getting a pet.

Hayley: I remember when I got him, it seems like just yesterday - since it was! I found him on a hike with my parents.

Fern: He could of had rabies!

Hayley: No, I don't think pet rocks can pass that on.

Fern: *shrugs*

Fern: You could always get a new one.

Hayley: NO ROCK WILL EVER REPLACE DAMEN!

Fern: Was it's name Damen?

Hayley: What do you think!

Fern: jeez, sorry!

Hayley: sorry, I'm just sad.

Fern: It's okay, I bet he is sitting on the sidewalk in rock heaven.

Hayley *starts sobbing*

* * *

**Hayley's Birthday**

Hayley: My present is a rock?!

Fern: She won't replace Damen, but she will keep you company!

Hayley: That was a joke, I'm goth.

Fern: : (


	5. My flying shoe!

I feel something different and wiggled my toes.

I smell a smell that would scare any nose.

On my foot there's only a sock there.

And my shoe is flying in the air!

The laces are untied, brushing past my ear

And the sight of a shoe flying certainly is queer

It was just a normal sneaker untill the day

When it sprouted wings and floated away!

My teacher looks by and sees the strange sight

My shoe flying to an incredible height

My classmates all giggle, laugh, and squirm

Like in all of their pants were a dozen of worms

The teacher gives me a disapproving look

When something flies by - a floating book

Now the globe is by the ceiling too

More things are floating - because of one shoe!

This is enough, I've had my fill

Enough of this sneaker who couldn't stand still

I'm taking charge, I'm taking action!

I will do the necessary transaction!

I say in the most commanding voice I could do

"Stop flying you stupid shoe!"

The shoe looked embarrassed - a thief gotten caught

You are a shoe I shouldn't have bought

The sneaker shyly slipped back where it belonged

It said a silent sorry and it knew it was wrong

The other things went back to their place

No more objects floating in space

So next time your shoe is flying up high

Tell it to come back and don't be shy!


	6. The Legend

_By the Silver Lake's shore_

_Something pure met something more_

_A fire, a light in the dark_

_And between them grew a spark_

_Off into the woods they go_

_One fire and one snow_


End file.
